April 22, 2015 (Day 4)

What a Birthday this was!!! Today I woke up early to get breakfast and spend some quiet time with the Lord. He's been wanting to talk to me but I did not bring a bible so review my Word and the Wi-Fi connection is sometimey here. With that being said, those are excuses. Excuses are a crutch for the uncommitted. Either I'm going to do something or I'm not.

We left Antigua at 7am traveling over 2 hours to Panajachel. The views that we have experienced are absolutely amazing. To know that God formed such beauty and creation with His words and this is what was produced is nothing short of amazing. As soon as we arrived at Lake Atitlan (Panajachel), the locals began to flock to us with merchandise in hand trying to sway us to buy their handmade goods. After taking care of all the logistics, we learned that today would be a free day to explore the town and get the most out of the experience. In the midst of walking and bargain shopping, we were all getting to know one another even more. I'm so blessed and thankful to have met every single person on this trip. All so humble and ready to be used by God. We have all watched the behaviors of those who have done these trips before and began to mirror their behavior regarding "Missionally Living" and living intentionally in everything that we do!

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend (Proverbs 27:17). The leaders on our journey through Guatemala have been so instrumental in exemplifying boldness to all of us. We watch them just carry conversations with believers and non-believers and not because they are trying to take something from them, but get something to them, which is Jesus Christ. The conversations are not forced but out of genuine care for their well-being and it just amazes me because we don't see that often in the states. While exploring, I met two gentlemen that were father and son. Bruce (Father) and JC (son) were minding their business in a store when we randomly popped in there for local food recommendations. Everyone else took their suggestions and started on their way to the restaurant except Denzel and I. We all began sharing our backgrounds and how we ended up in Guatemala. JC is originally from Los Angeles. He graduated college and attended Pharmacy School for one year and decided that was not what he wanted for his life. He and his wife are both currently nurses thy travel all over from orphanages, churches, and different communities helping with healthcare needs. He owned a surf shop in Guatemala, which was located in his father Bruce's hotel. I asked them would they ever move back to the United States and without hesitation they said "No!" JC then explained to me that his old life wasn't worth it. The hustle and bustle of a 9 to 5 on top of not enjoying life was not what he wanted. He now lives a life of purpose serving people, while living in peace away from all the noise of the city. I then asked them about church and did they believe in Jesus. Both of them said absolutely. They've attended several different kinds of churches and had friends who were Jehovah's Witness'. After jumping on the inside knowing that these great people served the same God as I, I then asked if it was okay that I prayed for them and their business and without any reluctance they agreed. I prayed not only over their business and them but also for supernatural debt cancellation of all their student loans (over $120,000), that their lives would be examples of Jesus. After hugging, we exchanged information for possible future partnerships with Adventures in Missions/Purchase Effect regarding orphanages or utilizing their hotel when we returned back to Guatemala. We walked away so full. It's crazy how giving of yourself by building up others and placing their needs before you, can have an internal effect on you. At that moment, I realized that God has graced all his children for this work. We are all missionaries and it doesn't take leaving the four walls of your own home to start.

Tonight's debriefing was beyond words. We started by worshipping with God in song then everyone shared the adventures of their days. One young lady in particular began to weep in appreciation for the love and kindness that another missionary showed her. She explained that at home she didn't have like-minded people around her who would pray for her or just simply be there. She then explained that she would be going home to a potentially negative bank account, no gas in her car, along with having to find a new place to live in less than 60 days. This young lady was here strictly in "faith." Immediately we all began to pray for her and I felt a prompting of Holy Spirit to sow into her life. In the midst of everyone praying, I ran down to my room and grabbed the exact seed Holy Spirit showed me and slid it in her hands. If that moment didn't already "slay" us all in the spirit, one of our leaders reminded the group of my birthday and everyone began to sing "Happy Birthday." She then was led by the prompting of Holy Spirit to allow everyone the opportunity to speak whatever God put in their spirits for about/for me. So many words of encouragement and it's always amazing day to have people share things that they see in you especially in the brief period of time that they've known you. Just when I thought all eyes were off me, one of the men had a tailored word from God just for me. He asked me to stand up and look at him. He began to share that there was one thing holding me back from a lot that God has in store for me. It was a situation that I thought I had forgiven and moved on but, in all actuality I had simply put it in a storage locker in the back of my head to collect dust. I knew exactly what he was referencing and the person it was regarding, after several attempts of try to mend a broken relationship, I had simply given up.

Debrief was over and I was completely overwhelmed by God's love just for me. Everyone decided to go get ice cream or grab a bite to eat before we all went to bed but, a group of us decided to pass and all went to one room to socialize. The four of us had created an "unannounced" bond. We all laughed, joked, and always found ourselves in one another's presence. As we all sat around and reflected on the day, I opened up to them about the relationship with my father that had been plaguing me most of my life. Three of the four of us shared the same story regarding our fathers and there absence. It was absolutely amazing how our stories mirrored one another's. As each person began to share, everyone realized that they were speaking to themselves. Holy Spirit was not just using them to help others but bringing us all into revelation about our own situations. God says in (scripture regarding everything being placed in U.S. Pertaining to life and godliness). We poured out our struggles and insecurities without fear of vulnerability and judgement. The moment when I and the other guy began to share the things we had to deal because the doors that our fathers left open and never dealt with was unexplainable. As a father, you’re an influencer to your wife and children. God has strengthened us to carry the weight of the world and men that don't realize that don't know their true identity. "Generational curses" have to be broken by U.S. Children now because our fathers didn't want to deal with them. We made a vow that the curse ends with us. We refuse to have children go through the trials, tribulations, and identity crisis that we had to face. We left that room full of hope and gained accountability partners. He and I made a commitment to lee and open line of communication and help each other mend these relationships with our father. The fruit of our decision today will be a priceless blessing tomorrow.

The awesome part about the situation is that as I'm writing, I'm getting revelation that God loves me way too much and has soooooooo much in store for me that he doesn't want this one thing to come up again later in life and potentially destroy me. Jeremiah 31:3 says "I've never quit loving you and never will......" He then goes on to say that "He will build you up again." What a mighty God we serve. He loves me too much to leave me in any mess but, He is a gentleman and will force nothing on you. He gives us the opportunity to accept all His free gifts but it's up to us to receive by them by faith. I have to forgive this person by faith, regardless of the fact that their actions or lack thereof, have caused me what seems like a lifetime of pain. With all that being said, I have to simply "Let it go." Easier said than done but I have to trust God in every area of my life without compartmentalizing Him to the areas that I'm strong in. Israel Houghton has a song called "Moving Forward." It goes...."I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead. Here to declare to you, my past is over. In you, all things are made new, I surrender my life to Christ, and I'm moving, moving forward."

It’s a new day!